Sauna Chronicle, April 10, 2019

6:30 am @ my local YMCA sauna

"Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. "
The sister was praying this prayer loudly, and I was not particularly bothered at this point -- this was one of my first prayers, and I can kinda get with it actually. I was more bothered by her music -- some country, rock kinda sounding white woman (thought by some of us to be "better than our Black young people's raunchy music").

After about 5 minutes, I  asked, "Can you turn off the music?"  She quickly did.  She kept praying and got louder and louder talking about all her enemies, etc, etc.  I realized that I was not having the meditative experience I intended.  Already I couldn't swim this morning -- pool closed from an incident last night. Whew.  "At least I can sweat in peace."

After about 10 - 15 minutes I simply asked, "How much longer will you be?  She snapped back, "I always praise the lord, all the time."  I said, "I understand, and this is not the place, as you are disturbing my meditation right now."  She responded that she is a military vet and pays her money to the YMCA and will continue, and it's my problem that I am "miserable."  I told her that initially I simply wanted her to close out of her praying.  Now, "I want you to stop."  "What country are you from?"  "That doesn't matter," I said.  I went to ask the lifeguard (who is also my swim coach) to handle it, and he said he would (as this is not the first time he has had to).  As she was leaving, keeping the sauna door open, she said she had never played any music earlier; she explained that she is "a military vet and in full support of Donald Trump and that she (meaning me) is not from this country."  I asked her to close the sauna door.

On my way out I see her in the whirlpool and she is loudly calling out to me:  "Have a blessed day."  I say nothing to her and felt proud not to.

Quick process:  Was proud that I had confronted her behavior without attacking her being.
Was proud to set some limits after a clear violation of my space (peace).
Felt proud that I felt my sadness that she sees Donald Trump as her ally and me, her sister,  as her vilified enemy.

Proud that I didn't answer back to her at all when she was wishing me a blessed day.  No, you have violated my space, insulted me over and over.  You don't get rewarded for that.  I will not smile and act as if everything is alright.  Major takeaway today:  I will not feed into your delusions.  I will always call for you to come back home to yourself and to me, your sister.

I remind myself that the root of delusion is fear.  My sense: my sister, you have faced down some dangers in your lifetime.  You see enemies all around.  You don't think you can sustain and maintain yourself. You choose to act reckless and not show basic respect.  You can't do any better.  I get it.  I will be kind, and I will not coddle you.  I will not answer back that you are "right."